Oftentimes, we hear women saying they would never get mixed up in an unhealthy relationship; much less allowing themselves to be drawn into a relationship that involved abuse of any kind. Needless to say, there are many women, every day that get entangled in a relationship that involves some type of abuse.
Because abuse never discriminates, it’s also hard to pin point the types of women who get involved in unhealthy relationships. It doesn’t matter; she can be churched, un-churched, educated, uneducated, in poverty or the wealthiest woman alive and still engage in this kind of relationship.
After realizing this to be true, the questions ran through my mind as to why some women fall into the trap of tolerating inappropriate treatment in relationships. Why do some women settle? Why do some women put up with mistreatment from men for such long periods of time? Some of the reasoning behind this could have something to do with how we as women value ourselves, our issue with unresolved hurts, and the fear of being alone.
Not Recognizing Our Value:
In order for women to escape the snares of unhealthy relationships, women must recognize their value. When a woman realizes that she is worthy of good treatment by the companion she’s involved in, then she won’t be so quick to settle for mistreatment in a relationship; much less abuse. When women recognize their value it also causes them to recognize when others don’t see it. So, when a woman identifies that a man doesn’t recognize or respect her value, then she must accept that he’s not worthy of her heart. A man who does not recognize your value will never love you properly.
Women also get ensnared in unhealthy relationships because some women don’t completely heal from past hurting experiences with men. This hurt can date back as far as their childhood, but to them it still hurts. When you’re hurt; you will attract a hurt person, which means you’re both unhealthy at this point. Forgiveness and healing must take place. Many women jump in and out of relationships hoping to sooth the pain. However, “Covering up old hurt never completes the healing; it only soothes it temporarily.” Women can’t truly experience a healthy relationship until they become whole themselves.
Fear of Being Alone
Women sometimes settle in relationships that aren’t really in their best interest because they just don’t want to be lonely. Loneliness sometimes causes women to move into desperation. Unfortunately, men with unhealthy characteristics can sense when a woman is desperate. Somehow the spirit of desperation oozes out of us. A man will then realize that he can mistreat a woman if he wants to because he knows she’ll put up with it. Don’t allow the fear of being alone cause you to settle for being mistreated.
Restoration of your sense of value, healing from old hurts and enjoying your season of singleness will create an opportunity for you to experience a healthy, loving relationship and will cause you to dismiss any suggestion of an unhealthy one.